Politics

Stupid Fucking Americans Are Problematic

Hello my Missives. I don’t have very much to say this time out but as always, what little I do have to say is exceptionally poignant.  This might sound a bit like a continuation on my last piece that dealt with President Obama’s statement to delay the deportation of young undocumented workers.  However I feel that now, more than ever, I must make a clear demand:

Stupid Fucking Americans Stop Being So Fucking Stupid.

Now I realize that this statement might sound a bit harsh to some of you (and a bit like EIP’s next T-shirt to the rest of you—love you my Missives), but seriously why are the stupid Americans, the really fucking stupid Americans so fucking stupid.

Earlier today the Supreme Court finally announced its decision regarding the healthcare law, the Affordable Care Act (please note that I am not calling it Obamacare and I won’t until U. S. actions in Iraq and Afghanistan are referred to as “Bushwar”).  It could be argued that the need for a decision at all was stupid enough; there was no legal merit to the case in the first place, so the Supreme Court never should have even heard it at all.  It could also be argued that the fact that they took so much time to deliberate on a decision which was first supposed to be announced last week is stupid since there was no legal merit to the case in the first place.  The fact that it was a 5-4 decision could be viewed as exceptionally stupid, since the Supreme Court is a body that is supposed to be solely concerned with the law, and as I may have mentioned there was no legal merit to the case in the first place.  All of this is stupid indeed, but none of it is as stupid as the reaction from some members of the American public.

Today something didn’t fall the way some Americans wanted it to and in fits of ridiculous anger people have taken to Twitter to voice their dissent and threaten to move to Canada. You have noticed that that seems to be Stupid Fucking America’s go to move, right?  Something pisses you off, what’s the logical thing to do?  Well shout “Fuck this, I’m moving to Canada!” as loudly as you usually shout “USA! USA! USA!” to cover up the fact that you don’t really know what’s going on in the USA.

Stupid Fucking Americans read carefully, stop threatening to go to Canada.  Canada doesn’t want you.  I know that it seems nice and welcoming, but bear in mind that Canada is filled with Canadians and Canadians are just too nice to tell you to stay the hell away from their country.  Why would they want you, Stupid Fucking Americans, when the reason you want to move there today is because you hate government healthcare?  All of you Stupid Fucking Americans who threaten to go to Canada so often (the plain old regular Americans never threaten to go anywhere else because they’re Americans) do you know anything about Canada at all?

Open up another window and go to Wikipedia.  I know your high school English teachers always told you that Wikipedia wasn’t a reliable source, but since I’m not making you write a paper about Canada, go ahead and open it up and type “health care in Canada” into the search bar.  It should take you about 13 seconds to discover why Canada isn’t the place for you (okay 60 seconds if you don’t know what “publicly funded” means and you have to click on the link).  Shit, it’s like you don’t want John Stewart and Stephen Colbert to work at all because this shit is just too easy.  It’s so stupid it goes beyond hypocrisy.  Hypocrisy implies that people know that what they say and what the do don’t quite match.  Stupid Fucking Americans?  They have no clue because they would never even bother to look it up.  You can’t blame them really.  I mean they’re so fucking stupid that they frequently insist on proving how patriotic they are by threatening to leave the country.

That’s all I’ve got for you today my Missives, I told you it was going to be short and not so sweet.  I have to start packing.  When the LA Kings won the Stanley Cup last month it marked the 18th straight time that an American team has won.  I hate hockey and I refuse to stay in a country that celebrates it.  I’m doing the only thing an American in myposition can do.  I’m moving to Canada.

 

2 thoughts on “Stupid Fucking Americans Are Problematic

  1. You sir, are retarded. Americans apparently are stupid according to what you’re saying, but my sources contradict what you are ranting about. The top world University is an American one. Oh my golly gosh. Who would’ve seen that coming? Please try to not a stupid. Have a wonderful day!

    • You have proved his point admirably. It’s always the stupid people like you who go around trying to prove how smart they are. Smart people don’t do that. They just point out how stupid others are because it’s so compelling to watch a stupid person try to act smart.

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